How To Be The Perfect Host At Home

It’s not La Gavroche. It’s La Living Room, and your guests are human beings, not guinea pigs for your new culinary escapades. Here is John-Paul Stuthridge’s etiquette guide to make you the host with the most.

A bit of food and drink, some music and a good natter, that’s all there is to it, right? Far from it. As the most sociable months lay ahead of us, romantic notions of dinner parties at home for some close friends or colleagues start to develop; often one weekend on the sofa with your partner in the form of, “We should get thingy over for dinner one night, it’d be lovely!”

To ensure it really is lovely and to know what a good host is like, here are nine key elements to consider so that you can be the host with the most for your next get-together.

The right number of guests

There’s magic in smaller numbers. I would urge on the side of fewer guests than more, not least due to your capacity and cost, but also for less jarring chatter. Inviting three or four other guests works well because that makes four or five including you the host, which means everyone can be involved in the same conversation and there aren’t too many voices at once.

Plan ahead and make an invitation

Planning is everything if you really want to embark on a special occasion. Generally speaking, the earlier the invitation and the more traditional the medium by which you send it, the more formal and special it will feel. Most adult guests don’t like to be invited last minute. If they are, it will indicate that they are just popping by for a casual bit of nosh. That’s all well and good when the moment calls for it, but we can go one better if one is to become a good, confident host.

Setting the date

Emailing or texting your desired guests asking what date suits them might prove to be useless. I recommend finding out roughly how busy people are in the upcoming weeks, propose a date to them all and make amends from there. Similarly, if your auspicious evening is predicated on the idea of one or two special guests (e.g. best friend and partner) then settle on a date with them first. Now with a fixed date, it is simply a yes or no question to your remaining guests. If they can’t make it, then there’s always next time.

Sending the invitations

For those who are quite well-adapted to checking their emails and responding, emails remain a great way to send invitations (never the ‘invites’). A phone call is a bit slow and obsolete, a Facebook event is a no-go. Creating a WhatsApp group may be the way, so long as you include all the right information. Think about what you would want to know as a guest.

Be clear on the dress code

The chances of you inviting people who you have never met before are admittedly much lower than inviting some close friends who should already know the standards. If you are inviting guests who don't know you and have never been to your house, then stating the dress code in your invitation in some non-formal way always helps people answer the question “What should I wear?”

Having a dress code might come across as pretentious when it is your own home, not a hotel, but if you have some specific idea or theme for the evening then suggesting what you would like everyone to wear (e.g. a comfy jumper because it’s a cosy night in with a curry) is perfectly fine.

Check for intolerances (a dislike is not an allergy)

Once an invitation is accepted you should promptly check for any allergies or intolerances. You might receive a reply from someone telling you what they don't really like, but these are not allergies or intolerances. In fact, as an adult, I'm quite intolerant of fussy eaters myself.

State the start and end time (roughly)

If there is some basic structure to your soiree, then inform guests when sending your invitations. Most people mistake the arrival time as the meal time and arrive prematurely. You should state the arrival time and an approximate time dinner will be served. Despite the incessant habit of guests arriving way earlier than they should be, the start time is usually no bother.

Not to put a cap on your fun when conversations may endure into the night, but if it's a midweek evening dinner party or any day when you have personal plans later on or early the next day, knowing the end time in advance helps guests to know when they should leave. It's easier to extend the festivities than trying to get rid of people who linger.

Create a sense of occasion with ambience

A well-set dining table, good lighting, nibbles in a bowl, appertifs to hand out (something on the fizzy side) are all the little things that can really create a warm and welcoming experience that guests never forget.

Music can work, but only if it's fairly neutral in taste and with low volume. The most stimulating noise in the room should be the conversation.

Choose the right food (what you do best)

Cook what you do best and ideally, something that can be 80% cooked in advance (think pies, tray bakes, bolognese, curry, tiramisu). As lovely as your living quarters may be, it‘s not La Gavroche. It’s La Living Room, and your guests are human beings, not guinea pigs for your new culinary escapades.

Drink less than your guests and keep an eye on theirs

The host who is having more fun than the guest spells hospitality disaster for all invited parties. A proper host is there to organise the joy and pleasure as well as maintain pace and conversation.

Keep a shrewd eye on their glasses to see how much has been guzzled. There's no need to constantly offer a top-up, but if the glass is basically empty for more than five minutes, ask your guests if they'd like another (of course they would).

Keep water on tap

Regardless of the presence of alcohol, make sure there's a jug of water somewhere to hand (with little to no ice) so people can cleanse their palates when they need to.

The End

Great chefs know that it’s not how you start, it’s how you finish. When courses have been devoured, wine bottles emptied, and the camaraderie at peak conviviality, this is when good hosts intrude a clever exit strategy. Always stop at the top, I say. That’s what people will remember. It’s always better for the evening to stop just short of what feels ideal than to prolong it passed the right moment.

How a good host ends the night correctly

Make sure finished dishes are taken away. Look for any exhaustion signals in your guests such as hidden yawns or barely drinking a thing. You might ask your guests if there’s anything else you can get them, from this they should take the hint that things are drawing to an end. Asking people about what their plans are tomorrow sends an equally strong hint without seeming rude.

Most importantly, you thank everyone for their for coming round and that you have really enjoyed their company and conversation.

I am in no doubt that if almost all the above points are executed correctly, then you will thank yourself for making the evening so enjoyable yet feel so easy. For what is socialising for if not for friends to gather around the table to sup great drinks with even greater food?