How To Pick The Perfect Gift: Christmas Etiquette Guide
Do they even know what they want? What makes a great gift versus a bad one? Is cash acceptable? John-Paul answers the most common etiquette questions so that you may pick the perfect gift this Christmas.
Alan Ladd, c. 1955
What makes a great gift?
A great gift is one that combines desirability with thoughtfulness.
“It’s the thought that counts”, so the adage goes, which seems to hint at thoughtfulness being of profound importance. No doubt a gift steeped in great thought matters, but if you can match that with equal measures of desire on the part of the recipient, you will be giving a great gift.
What makes a bad gift?
One Christmas, my ex-girlfriend’s parents gave me some sort of gaming contraption where you put your phone into a headset and play the game in front of your eyes - no magical VR or anything like that - just your phone held right in front of your eyes and strapped over your head. While one must always be grateful for any gift one receives, this is a clear example of a terrible gift because I did not want it, never expressed any interest in gaming whatsoever, and nor was it thoughtful. Rather, it was a quickly-decided afterthought which made me feel unvalued. A sincerely written card would have felt more genuine.
So, what makes a gift that is just good?
A good gift is one that probably has either thoughtfulness or desire. A thoughtful Christmas gift being a memory box, a sketched portrait, a handy accessory for the house, or anything that is relevant to the recipient – a gift that is either personal or useful.
Needless to say, a desirable Christmas gift would be something the recipient really wants: clothing, fragrance, or a holiday. These are things we love to want. They are often materialistic but not necessarily so, and completely indulgent.
Everyone is different. I know that. You may really want a new set of kitchen knives or a six-wick candle for the sitting room. I wouldn’t say no to those things at all in fact, quite the reverse! But the above examples hopefully illustrate this somewhat imperceptible matrix of gifts that are either thoughtful, desirable, or both.
The best type of gift for most people
Experiences. Gifts of indulgence, convenience, utility, desire, and sentiment all have their place, but if you can channel those elements into a gift based on an experience, then you will leave a permanent mark on their memory. Material objects, however beautiful and useful, rarely last. Memories are forever.
In a decade’s time, which can you imagine more easily: somebody who says, ‘Do you remember that air fryer you got me that time? Oh what meals we made!’ or ‘Do you remember how fun that snowboarding class was in Gstaad? I’d love to do that again!’
How do you know what they really want?
Guessing is for the uninitiated. If you want to pick better gifts for somebody, you should be attentive to the things they say. Even if somebody does not drop a blatant hint, there will be hints in their words generally on which you can make a decision. If you still don’t know, use social media to have a look at the things they use or get up to. Sentimental gestures are not out of the question either. Better a priceless gift, than a thoughtless one. If in doubt, ask a close friend or family member.
Get them a gift you know they want. Gentlemen slip up here more than ladies, in my experience. ‘I think she’ll like this’, based on what? What you think they will or should like is not exactly what they will like.
Can I just give someone cash as a present?
It depends, in short. I don’t like the idea of cash because it feels so unsentimental, so devoid of any sense of occasion which Christmas should be, but needs vary greatly in this economy. Cash is almost certainly better than gift cards, in my opinion.
If someone has explicitly expressed a desire for cash because they need to spend it on something quite peculiar nobody else can do on their behalf, then cash is fine. Although, even if you had to give cash as a present, I would still try to buy something else just small and thoughtful enough to hand over in addition to the ol’ wonga.
