How To Be More Charismatic (in 5 actionable steps)
Here are five things you need to know to truly be a more charismatic person with anybody you meet.
Have you ever looked at some fictional character or someone you know and admired them for their blatantly-charming charisma? I bet you have. I do it often.
The Great Gatsby is an example of a charismatic person in fiction and reality. Jay Gatsby and Leonardo Di Caprio himself is one of the first people who come to mind when I imagine a charismatic person.
You can physically see how a confident and charismatic person can work the room and establish a connection with anyone, and you think, 'I wish I could be like him. They have charisma, that special quality!'
I'm here to tell you that charisma is a great quality, but it's not as elusive as it seems. When we break down what charisma looks like, we begin to see how much easier it is for you to become charismatic too.
Channel more energy
It is okay to be calm, but charismatic people always have just enough energy to interact with someone fully. They have exactly the right amount of energy to spark great conversation, whatever it might be about. You never see a charismatic man or woman and think they 'look a bit bored/tired today...' - they are always ready to socialise. Do these people never get tired or bored? No, of course, they can get tired and bored, but their 'power' is that they make communication with others very easy.
Having the right level of energy is essential. A new study in the Journal of Personality and Psychology titled The Double-Edged Sword of Leader Charisma found that,
“...highly charismatic leaders have also been described to think and act in fanciful, eccentric ways, which may represent a final threat to their level of effectiveness in organizational settings. In sum, it can be expected that a certain degree of charismatic tendencies is indeed desirable and associated with higher effectiveness, whereas too much causes harm. Very low levels of charisma should manifest as a lack of the confidence, strategic vision, and dynamism often associated with effective leadership. At very high levels, on the other hand, the self-absorbed tendencies associated with charisma—arrogance, manipulation, grandiose visions, and dramatic attention seeking—may negatively affect observers’ evaluation of leader effectiveness.”
Be energetic. Not to the extent that your energy is exhausting because that can be very annoying, but be calm and collected and above all - be positive!
Learn to relate to anyone
Being relatable is important because it demonstrates your ability to connect with somebody genuinely; it is you establishing a bond with another human being by relating to them. A good conversation is not two people just talking about themselves to each other. It is much more than that.
Charismatic people seem to fit in with many different groups of people, and that is because they find common ground.
So, if you can find common ground and build up a rapport quickly, you will leave a very good impression on them.
Master the 2:1 Rule
Listen twice as much as you speak, and encourage the other person to talk twice as much as they listen. It is not an exact science, but it is amazing how impressive it is to let people open up and tell you more - you should encourage that with good and responsive questions.
Do not listen passively because when it is your turn to speak, the other person can immediately see and feel whether you are listening or not. Listen actively and be ready to respond.
This is incredibly important and possibly the most crucial point I want you to take home. This was evidenced and documented in 2012 by Harvard Business Review with an article called Why You Need Charisma. The author, Rosabeth Moss Kanter, writes,
“Some people [...] seem naturally high in charisma, but there are ingredients that can be cultivated: A genuine interest in people. Listening to their needs and concerns and showing that you will help them achieve their goals. Treating people as though each is special and deserves attention. Remembering details about them.”
Read that twice, thrice, if you must, because this is the most important point above all.
Have more passion for life
People admire others who do things with passion and generally have passions. If you do not like your job, your body, your life, your hair, your wife (let's hope you at least like her), that is a major problem first of all, but secondly, nobody wants to hear that stuff, and people can sense it in your body language and tone if that is plaguing your mind.
If you have real passions and interests and the conversation presents an opportunity to speak about them - speak about them!
Having a passion for something and a profound interest in some activity or subject is always a unique thing that makes someone stand out. It is a very admirable, if not attractive, quality to show.
End the conversation smoothly
Although first impressions matter greatly, lasting impressions still count for a lot.
It is always better to leave somebody wanting a little more of your time than to have them looking for an escape. If you end the conversation rather than them ending it, and if you do it smoothly, you are helping to form a good lasting impression.
More importantly, you should do so with kindness and sincerity.
Do not say:
'Anyway, goodness me, is that the time? I've gotta go, was nice talking to you!'
Try saying:
Sarah, it's been so nice to talk to you and I've taken far too much of your time, so I hope you have a good evening - and good luck with your presentation next week!
Saying their name and referring back to something they brought up earlier in the conversation makes your exit much more personal and respectful, plus it shows you were actually listening. Unfortunately, many people these days are not listening, so you will be remembered by engaging with someone properly and listening to what they say. And if you start to become known as an engaging person, people will start to talk about you in a very positive light:
“He’s quite charismatic, isn’t he?’”
Who does not want that?
