What is the meaning of Etiquette?
Etiquette is a term that has come to be so broad and narrow at the same time that although we know what we are referring to when we think of etiquette, we can play loose and fast with the term. So let’s define it properly.
What is not etiquette?
I think that question is one we can more broadly agree on. It's not rudeness, foulness, vulgarity, selfishness, or anything of the kind.
Defining etiquette might seem difficult or require a complicated definition full of all the history to satisfy an obsessive (like me), but I am going to spare you that (a long post for another time).
At the end of the article, I will return to a concise definition of etiquette, but let's assume the photo below depicts it quite well.
Look at it for 5 seconds and think how you would sum up etiquette in one or two words. Then scroll on, and see if our two words match near the end of the article.
Firstly, from where does this word 'etiquette' originate?
There's a fine line between history and etymology. There's an inextricable link there for sure, but the latter I can state quite briefly:
According to the Online Etymological Dictionary, the word 'etiquette' comes from,Firstly, where does the word come from?
..1750, from French étiquette "prescribed behavior," from Old French estiquette "label, ticket". The sense development in French perhaps is from small cards written or printed with instructions for how to behave properly at court (compare Italian etichetta, Spanish etiqueta), and/or from behavior instructions written on a soldier's billet for lodgings (the main sense of the Old French word).
There we have it, and this does seem to be corroborated by various other dictionaries (Oxford Languages & Merriam-Webster).
The history of etiquette and how it has evolved is a book in itself! You only want the pithy and punchy summary.
So, what does 'etiquette' actually mean?
Selflessness and manners. That's it. They are the two words I hoped you came up with a moment ago.
You could even argue that even those two things are just the same. However, there is a nuance I will touch on.
What's the difference between Etiquette and Manners?
Manners are a matter of being good and kind to others (well-mannered), and etiquette is more about the principles and rules to be followed to show good manners.
However, not all situations will have these two things cohere together. For instance, it might be necessary to break the etiquette rule in order to be well-mannered, and we will cover some good examples (actual and historical) further down the line.
At the end of the day, etiquette is about considering other people, chivalrously opening the door for a lady as above, say, and being as selfless as possible instead of as selfish as possible. Holding open the door, offering someone a drink, and being on time; all such acts are core examples of what it means to be well-mannered. If you do them correctly while following the detailed guidelines, that's what it means to have good etiquette. Ideally, you want both.
If you can embrace these gestures in your daily life and insist on thinking of others, you will go far. This journal is the way to get there.
I shall finish with a very good extract from an old etiquette book in my collection, which summarises everything I have said and more in a way better than I could:
“What is Etiquette? Not, as is sometimes argued, merely a mass of unnecessary ceremonial which need only be observed by those in a high position, but the oil which lubricates the wheels of everyday life in any and every grade of society, helping them to run smoothly, without jars and frets. It is true that much of the old formality of speech and action has disappeared, but there remain numerous forms and usages which are observed as a matter of course by the true gentleman or gentlewoman.
An intimate knowledge of these rules of etiquette is necessary for all who wish to make their way in the social world, honoured and welcomed, for without such knowledge a man or woman, uncertain as to what is or is not “done” is bound to appear boorish and ill-bred, to feel ill at ease, to offend against good taste in many ways and lack that ease of manner which is so great a social asset.’”
